chapter 4: the river-monster

wolfrock looked into the river, preparing herself for the jump. "it'll be fine," she said to herself. "it'll come naturally."
she jumped. everything seemed to happen in slow motion. sailing through the air, glancing at the black, swirling water below her, suddenly realizing how stupid this was. "oh, why did'nt i just hunt with the other wolves?" she wailed, twisting in a futile attempt to land herself on a rock. with a splash, she crashed into the icy waters. she struck out with front paws, uselessly thrashing in the water, feeling her body go numb. this was the end, she knew it. suddenly she heard a voice, her mother's voice. "you'll be all right, dear, you'll be okay."
"mom?" whispered wolfrock. "help me, mother! please!"
she felt a warm bubble of air, surrounding and supporting her. somehow, it was just the right temperature.
"now wolfrock, dear, try swimming. it's like running, but underwater. you will not drown, i promise."
wolfrock tried it. it was just like her mother said! it was actually really easy! she felt that warm bubble of water slowly dissipate. contrary to her expectations, though, she didn't sink! and with the exercise, she warmed up. the water didn't feel so cold now. she was actually enjoying it.
suddenly she heard a shout.
"wolfrock! no! geet out of the river!"
it was dawn. why was she here? did she like swimming too?
"no!" she replied hotly. "i like swimming too. you can't just kick me out!"
dawn arrived breathlessly at the edge of the river as wolfrock was clambering out.
"it's not that. no one swims here! are you crazy? you could have been attacked by the-"
a huge, scaly ...thing erupted from the river and grabbed dawn. wolfrock caught a glimpse of a red mouth, rows of long teeth bigger than knitting needles, and wide black eyes.
she screamed and started to run. "help me! dawn's been eaten! HELP!"

Writing Tips: Plot

I'm going to be giving out writing tips, because it isn't always as easy as it sounds! I'll be doing these once a week, if you want to:)
An amazing story starts with plot. If the plot is boring, not many people will enjoy it. However, if the plot is exciting, most people will enjoy it completely. Take Harry Potter as an example. If Harry Potter was just a boy, doing his chores, doing homework, and talking, it wouldn't be as popular, would it? But since he's a wizard, and goes up against Voldemort, the book series is very popular. Mainly, the plot doesn't have to be nearly as exciting as going up against evil. Sometimes, it can be very simple. Compare these two passages. Which is more entertaining?
I walked up the street to see my friend Robert. He was doing homework and couldn't talk, but he did it politely. I walked to my house.


I walked up the street to see my friend Robert. My backpack was wide open. My mistake. I had a toy mouse for my cat. I guess a hawk must've mistaken it for a real mouse, because he swooped down and grabbed it, taking my homework with it. I tried chasing it, but it was too fast. I was in trouble.


Also, in your plot, if you have two ideas in your mind, but only one works, go with the one you think reader's will like best. If you think they are equally good, choose the one you think may make more sense or will take the story in a better direction.

Sorry if this sounds as if I'm criticizing you! I'm not trying to, just trying to give you some tips.
 

Chapter 3: Where am I?

Wolfrock woke in a field, but it seemed almost unreal. There were plenty of deer and rabbits to hunt. She didn't understand. This wasn't the meadows she had been shot in. "Hi, pup!" a black-and-white wolf said.
"Who are you? What is this place?" Wolfrock said grouchily.
"I'm GreatShot! This is a reserve, so the humans can't kill us, as long as we stay on this side of the river. I'm not surprised they dumped you here. They always put pups who don't have a mother here. Do you want to meet the other wolves?"
"S-Sure." Wolfrock said.
They walked on the field. GreatShot pounced on a rabbit on the way. "It's best to bring something to them." She said around it. Wolfrock looked at its limp body, and reminded her of the phantoms. She shuddered.
"Are you okay?" GreatShot.
"Yeah, fine."
GreatShot stopped. "This is the small river. We can cross here and still be on the reserve. I'll show you how to get across. You probably don't know how to swim." GreatShot jumped on some stepping stones, being careful for each step. Her long body looked small when she was on the rocks. It was as if she was an inchworm. "Your turn!"
Wolfrock stepped on one of the stones, trying desperately to copy GreatShot. "Good job, pup!" Almost as soon as GreatShot said that, Wolfrock fell in. GreatShot jumped in and dragged Wolfrock onto shore. "You should be more careful. Follow me, now." In almost no time, Wolfrock followed GreatShot into a bramble bush and was surrounded by a myriad of wolves. "Greetings, GreatShot. And who is this?"
"I'm Wolfrock."
"Of course. I'm Darkstreak."
"Over there is Blackear, and there's Flame." GreatShot said, pointing to a large black dog and another large, but orange colored, dog. "Flame is our alpha. Blackear is an omega. I'm the beta around here, even though I'm a she-wolf. Here, we only have one of each."
"Don't they have mates?" Wolfrock asked.
"Some do. Flame does. That's Dawn, his mate, and their daughter Fire. She's about your age." GreatShot said. "Over there is Duchess. Her rank is just after mine."
"Hi, GreatShot!" a small pup came over. "Who's she?"
"This is Wolfrock. Wolfrock, this is Fire. How old are you?"
"Twelve moons." Wolfrock stated formally.
"Fire is just a moon under you. Both of you are nearly full size, but you're still pups. Would you like to join on a hunt?"
"Yes!" Wolfrock said excitedly.
GreatShot nodded acknowledging her choice. A light brown wolf came over. "How are you, Canyonwolfy?"
"Good. You?"
"Fine, thank you."
Wolfrock didn't feel like listening to their conversation. It would probably about hunting, and she didn't want to hear about that right now. She wanted to do something fun, like her little brothers and sisters would do. Silently, she stalked out into the brambles and went over to the stream. Here, she'd learn how to swim.
Author's Note:
Sorry about how it's mostly conversation. I was trying to fit all the characters in. Also, just to clear things up, the name for a male wolf is "dog", just like for, well, a dog:D Also, two more stories are going to be on the pages, along with Waterway, one of which is about wolves, and the other fanfic: Darkness Buries Us(Original story)and Snowfall's Mistake (Warriors Fanfic).